Ashes Poetry

If the game ends tomorrow, England will hold the Ashes. Nuff said.

 Stuart Broad

Kneel to no one, not least those who cannot kneel,
Their bended knee arising from regal labours
In might and main to honour king and country
against the mightiest warriors from other lands
in fair contest and proud sacrifice
through surgery to fight and fight on. England’s
braw champion’s task is nearly done,
the ashes won and lost, and nearly once again won.
Heed not tomorrow’s outcome, a brief regency,
Shoulder to shoulder shoulder broad duty.
Old monachs, (Lear, Duncan) dare not come back,
Not even as ghosts. Bless his test retirement,
for you have come of age, earned the right
in your crowning glory on the field of play
to stand in succession of greatness.
Proclaim this day from all pretenders,
The king is nearly dead, long live the king.

Australia 160 all out S C J Broad 5-37

thanks to Mark who helped suggest what became the final line in conversation during the action

Tweet by Tweet Commentary

308-9 Jimmy lb for none, end of duckless run, another record gone, so much for promotion ahead of Stevie Harmison Memories of Snow and Higgs

311-9 Broad edges hook to Johnson, not quite a catch, a reprise of Leeds, Siddle not best pleased ‘I bowl, you edge, you should be XXXXed’

328-9 3 more fours, Harmie edge through slips and pair a pair genuine leg drives. Snow Higgs, 1966, final test last wicket Windies. At Oval?

328-9 Broad designs almighty broadsword drive vs. Hilfenhaus and ball goes inches. Hilfenhaus picks up, no words or looks exchanged Next a 4

332-10 two swipes by Broad, one misses, one edges, caught, all out, clueless, clueless clueless cricket, Stuart, you can and should do better.

 
0-17 Fred puts Watson through the mincer, and Watson leg-drives four Tough birds, Aussies, no wonder their fabled pies are just as inedible
0-0 reckon on1-65 lunch. Katich will be feeling million dollars after Trott run out – good or bad thing? Enter super, super centaur Flintoff

0-30 Strauss starts to load up in front of wicket for Flintoff to Watson for the one that stops Swann first change, bold move or desperation

0-50 nearly lunch, rain spotting. time to shut up shop, listening to Jim Maxwell, the Ritchie Benaud of radio commentary. You beaut, Jim

1-73 After rsp, Broad traps dear Watson, elementary LB. Enter the Punter Moriarty for the Reichenbach Falls with the deer stalking Freddie.

79-2 Ponting underedges Broad pulls away, gets away from strike off leg side push to face potential nemesis Flintoff, Matt Barlow from Radio

2-85 Derbyshire calls, not yet mentioned home town Bakewell, and Broad castles Ponting with Ashes winning inswinger. C’mon, you tarts!

3-89 Hussey XXXXed LBW revved up Broad, rain zipped up pitch Aussie middle order ripped up, Albion at their throat jugular exposed throbbing

4-93 Clarke off-drives Broad, uncalled for shot, caught Trott! 4-8 in 21 balls. Neilometer plunging into total depression as pressure tells.

4-99 daughter Laurel texts: “One word Broad X” She’s more pro Stuart than me, I’ll suggest to ECB that she’d make a Fine chair of selectors.

Bopara 188 not out Essex v. Surrey. Pressure or its lack always tells. Wonder what he felt like as news from Oval drifted to his crease

4-108 Swann first ball turns and fizzes, demon against left-handers…

5-108 next delivery the arm ball and North’s given LB. Katich 49 n.o. looks on preparing to carry his bat Haddin beaten all ends up by Broad

6-109 Katich c Bell b Swift 50 bat-pad Jim Laker & the 1950s Surrey/EnglandXI look down from the heavens to smile warmly at their inheritors

7-111 Broad five-fors peg-leg Haddin’s leg-peg I’m gob-smacked, Barmy Army barmy – Noslen – reverse Nelson 111 one arm one leg and 1 Stuart Broad.

7-121 Laurel texts again “two words Stuart Broad X” Is this the new Flintoff? The King’s nearly dead, long live the King

7-121 Johnson hits Swann for a near six, Siddle smacks Cook at short leg Broad kicks ball into middle-stump Recall his T20 soccer v Holland

7-129 Broad gives Siddle a master-class in swing bowling. Ponting micromanaging fingernails in dressing room Johnson c Prior b Swann 8-131!

8-135 Swan to Clark (not Clarke) makes him a complete mug you could drink yer tea out of as Clark (or Clarke) makes a horlicks of his hoicks

10-160 mistweeted ninth wicket – Swann>Clark then Fred comprehensively fredded Siddle middle peg Neilometer in repair shop but looks XXXXed.

3-0 According to the number of people who’ll say they were here, the capacity of the Brit Oval has miraculously increased to over 2,000,000.

17-0 6pm 21 overs left probably bowl 14 Blighty aim for 50/60 at stumps Time for ordinary batting and great chance for Cook to aga-saga his slot

19-0 I’ve absolute faith in England. Off to enjoy a Camel. When we win I shall buy twenty Sullivan Powell’s No 3s from Burlington Arcade Bye

49-3 HMG Health Warning Smoking and supporting England while counting chickens can damage your health. Johnson’s whipped out two more steers

51-3 Katich bowling Chinamen, North under the setting sun each ball could turn the Ashes, east is west and west is east inside out Antipodes

58-3 no overs left Neilometer repair shop reports recalibration of compass points needed due to oscillating fortunes, no change in condition