Ashes Poetry

The Bloke Up Your Arse

For it isn’t your sheila or mucker or strife
Whose judgment gets right up your arse.
The bastard whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one sledging you back to the past.

Don’t come the Plum Warner or W G
And make out you’re real dinki di,
The bloke up your clacker’ll drop you down dunny
If you can’t squiz him right in the eye.

The dial to appease, bugger the MCC,
Will voodoo your quince to take the final Test.
We’ll sledge you till you’ve karked it, RIP
- ’cos us Aussies’ll have rippered the rest.

Poms cringe before playing matches,
Shonky bludgers let loose the bowels of fear:
No drama, dead certs to throw up the Ashes,
They can’t cheat the green baggies between their ears.

an adaptation of The Man in The Glass originally written in 1934 by American Peter ‘Dale’ Wimbrow Senior and used by Zimbabwean Duncan Fletcher, England coach to motivate the team at the final test in 2005 against Australia (The Coach’s Story: Ashes Regained, Duncan Fletcher) …..

The Man in The Glass

 For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum,
And think you’re a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.

He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear to the end,
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears,
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.