Ashes Poetry

I’m an optimist – as an England cricket fan you’ve no other option. Not just sun-block, but full whack of lunch-time sarnies packed. I stowed up on luck too, varying my route to include Bramall Lane and Hillsborough as well as Elland Road. Today Ipswich play the greatest team in the universe at the Ricoh Stadium by which time the test might be over, and you’re left with might have beens. Suppose Freddie had been fit, Sidebottom picked instead of Harmison, Strauss put the Aussies in… Prior, Broad and Swann to hit centuries, Harmie to bowl like Willis Headingley 81 …. in this best of all possible worlds the aircraft flying over Headingley on the approach to Leeds/Bradford are pigs with wings returning from Never-never Land.

At the wicket Geoff Boycott is filming with Mark Nicholas an art of batsmanship piece for Sky while the two teams warm up in their respective quadrants. I’m sure Boycs is right about getting into line, how to play the rising ball… I’m not nearly so sure whether he’s the qualities to help professional players do just that. They’ll practice, they’ll know where to improve, it’s a question of working out how, which is where coaches come into their own. Listening to Sir Geoffrey may well be like an audiotape of a coaching manual, between 1956 and 1963, Suez and Cuba crises. It’s interesting that the Aussie experts, Ian Chappell, Alan Border, Matthew Hayden, don’t go  forensic on air. At Lord’s first knock just ‘not a wicket for pulls or hooks.’ ‘Nuf said.

Yesterday saw transformation of Mitchell Johnson pie-thrower at the home of cricket to world class quick. His slingy left-arm style, almost Jeff Thompson javelin action gives batsmen so little time to pre-react to the ball once it’s delivered. Maybe a poem there.

Warne and Bishop walk from the pitch, five minutes prior kick-off. Warnie avoids autograph-hunters and desultory booing of Oz Legends, Bishop accepts the line of seven million young and not young autograph hunters. News travels fast, “Ian Bishop’s a dead cert for a cop in the scrap book.” Ground more or less full, but not many bags full of sandwiches. Yorkshire folk have paid for tickets but not over-omptimistic either by nature or inclination. Talking of names, I’ve been spelling Cook with an additional ‘e’ as per Letter From America bod what came from Salford, not Essex. This would make Cook a Cook-e or Cookie, and though he’s batting like a bag of broken biscuits at present, it’s more half than twice baked. I’ve just swan-ed Swann, Clarke’d Clark, in http://twitter.com/ashespoetry and if you spot these ‘errors’ of my ways, blame Doctor Johnson, a Lichfield man, who though he wrote the first English dictionary, never played for England or Lichfield, nor Dictionaries. As a man of letters with a forthright way, he’d appreciate how Peter Siddle has lettered Swann’s ribcage with a short one. Those Aussies have worked him out – Swann doesn’t know how to duck.

England make a fist of a busted flush, Broad and Swann slogging towards the horizon of respectability – see Tweet by Tweet Commentary at foot of this post. It’s great entertainment but test cricket, Headingley test cricket isn’t just entertainment. Just after lunch it’s over, and all square in the series. Marcus North man of a match given by Iron Mike for an Athertonesque innings. Jim Maxwell notes third or fourth Aussie win in three days at Headingley (there better not be a fifth) before suggesting a timeless test at the Oval as the series goes to final game all square – quite rare in recent times at least.

I’m struck how both Broad and Swann, and Clarke and North each talked to one another during their stands made under very different circumstances…

Headingley Carnegie

In the middle of a stand batsmen discard their creases
to parley twixt jousts, their yeomen chosen duties.
Shuffle pads, box, gloves, helmets, fear and bravery;
lean on pikestaffs to dismiss failure’s haunted taunting,
to discuss the matter at hand, state of play,
how to withhold each wicket whilst withering their enemies’
intent, who may snide cunning cussword cudgels in passing,
as would they, were their innings turned inside out in passing.
Twinned and pinned before overs swap creases, they pass back
to tighten their mark. Their pitch splits again in a middle of a stand,
each readied to face loneliness unyielding.

In the middle of a stand neighbours jowl neighbours:
no loneliness here. Pass comment, beer, jests, victuals, perhaps favour.
Scuffle papers, crosswords, scorecards, programmes, radio-tuners,
cameras, bets, runners and riders (with riders on runners) before –
Roar, Yell, Clap, Cheers, Groan, Moan, Gasp, Ooooo and murmur
at the closeness of it all. Till closeness ends and closure comes,
to stem scored life seen from the very midst of every stand.

Deeds empty games. The ends of each stand leave first,
leaving the last no choice how to enter history. Gainsay no odds,
in each stand at Headingley are memories too many
to bury or resurrect except in their making. Play!

Tweet by Tweet Commentary

90-6 Prior dab-slashes Johnson through 4th slip to fence as he’s practiced in nets before. Punter puts 4th slip in, Prior unlikely to last..

104-6 Broad flashes at everthing Ball ageing, nothing in pitch, Prior fours Johnson two more full-toss pies, small acorn-filled Leaves next 

124-7 Prior follows Hilfenhaus outswinger Haddin one-handed catch. Could’ve left it alone (Prior and I guess Haddin) Fat Lady loosens corset

141-7 thwacks and chances aplenty Hilefenhaus they say can only bowl outswingers but also off-cutter which slices Swan in two as a lame duck

@saltpublishing Will Jen finish cycling 60 Suffolk miles before Australia level series in Yorkshire? On your bikes you poms

148-7 Vicious Sid Siddle bounces Swann but Swann’s learnt to hook 195 runs behind, the merest of bagatelles Ball doing zip late only from hand

178-7 V S Siddle just bowled eight wides in a row. Maybe he is V S Naipul in disguise. Will ask Paul Theroux to adjudicate.

193-7 Broad’s fifty, flashy in more ways than one Swann giving it some humpage too while Clark puts it in the slot gun-barrel straight 201-7

205-7 Stuart Clark 2-0-32-0 this morning acknowledges Western Stand cheers with rueful wave Who said Australians aren’t good sportsmen?

193-7 Broad’s fifty, flashy in more ways than one Swann giving it some humpage too while Clark puts it in the slot gun-barrel straight 201-7

205-7 Stuart Clark 2-0-32-0 this morning acknowledges Western Stand cheers with rueful wave Who said Australians aren’t good sportsmen?

215-7 Johnson nearly catches Broad hoick to long-off boundary. Crowd delighted Green Baggy slips confere. 100 partnership from 73 balls -123 adrift

224-7 Broad hook splits two long-legs Clark 3-0-42-0 Replay screen shows Punter micro-managing his fingernails. Broad finally out hooking

228-8 Johnson replaces expensive Clark. Tail-order hi-jinks shows it could’ve been a contest had England top order batted.It doesn’t add up.

230-8 Umpires not sure of number of balls in an over. Swann top-edges Siddle for six and fifty. Harmie offers batting advice and glove touch

243-8 Harmie gets four and one through point of opportunity, his favoured land. Leg drive not in repetoire Crowd cheer double figure deficit

245-8 North’s fingers cops Swann at mid-off, a moth flutters south – float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Lunch just to please fat Gatt

247-8 Crowd had their Gattings for lunch. Johnson to shorten the Harmison with a throat ball. Katich short leg, Harmie doesn’t play off pads

250-8 “Stand up if yer 1-0 up” Two legside fours for Harmie. Swann edges Johnson ct Haddin 259-9 Fat Lady squeezes Sean Ruane to her bosoms

259-9 Clark sussed his line to Harmison, middle and off short of a length. One on leg through midwicket to ropes without moving his feet.

263-10 Johnson removes Onions’ off-stump 5-69. Australia win by innings and 89 runs. Could have been a wider margin, should’ve been far less….

“So it goes” Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughter House Five