Ashes Poetry

Australia 249 for 1 (Katich 104*, Ponting 100*) trail England 435 (Pietersen 69, Collingwood 64, Prior 56, Johnson 3-87, Hauritz 3-95) by 186 runs

Things went better for England then worse. Vice-versa for Australia; the antipodes of expectation, except Australia does rather than qualifies. On the way home I heard a home counties middle-class accent say “It seems…” Nothing seems in Australia, except the cricket ball, and then not that often. Green Baggies deal with what is, not what ifs.

Yesterday brekkers at Varsity Bar, courtesy of  Barmy Army  ,’Hey Hey Ricky,’ is their new single, with chord structure and kick-off of the TMS theme tune. The words could be a bit sharper, here’s a suggestion:-

Hey hey Ricky you are going to lose,
Hey hey Ricky this isn’t even news
Hey hey Ricky imagine the pain
When the urn goes walkabout again

 Mr Ponting did his utmost not to make this happen. Before lunch was England’s – the tail wagged mightily and I thought I was going to be able to say ‘told you so’  (”The series may well come down to how the middle and lower order bat” http://www.ashespoetry.net/2009/07/08/looking-forward/) the last three wickets adding a ton. That and how easily the Australians played the English attack puts the English top order into perspective. In on this strip you should back yourself to get three figures. Decent even bounce, no lateral movement or differential pace, it’s a batsman’s paradise. Sloppy shots stopped England filling their boots. Not sure which was worse. Pietersen’s kamikaze sweep, (which has replaced his flamingo shot) or his explanation “If it hadn’t hit my helmet I’d not have been caught.” If you hadn’t tried fetching from outside off-stump, it wouldn’t have hit your helmet. It doesn’t seem to have knocked any more sense into him. He wants to play shots others can’t play, not just be the best batsman in the world, which is a different proposition.

Is Ponting? He played supremely. Has there been a better Aussie bat since Bradman? Neil Harvey maybe for elegance, followed by Mark Waugh and Greg Chappell; Ian Chappell, Steve Waugh, Peter Burge queue up for bloody-mindedness and Norman O’Neil with Doug Walters and Hayden in his prime for destructiveness. But Punter scores in all three areas, together with a classical technique and the best footwork in the world, feet move early, plays late. Odd his demeanour at the crease is total confidence, while as skipper in the field his body language is an X-ray of what’s going on inside his head. He seems to come up with the right moves, eventually, but perhaps thinking of others is harder than just your own performance. Doubtless true for all of us.

Another stylist on the pitch this afternoon was Tom Graveney, inducted in the hall of fame with Ian Chappell and the late Peter May (even his widow could’ve scored a few on this pitch.) Tom was always a favourite of mine. He left Gloucestershire just as I started to watch them. Left is a euphemism. If I remember right he reckoned he should be captain, and they choose an amateur called Pugh who was – amateur. Tom went to Worcester, and the MCC banned him for a year. His first game against Glos was at Cheltenham, to the warmest of welcomes outside the committee rooms. (Never mind his brother Ken, a middling county fast-medium pacer became skipper soon after.)  Late in the day he was fielding down at long leg talking to the crowd – everyone called him Tom – and someone pulled square. ‘Good shot,’ he said ‘I’m not running for that, worth four.’ About three years later in his latish thirties he was called back to English colours and scored a series winning century against Hall, Griffiths, Sobers et al. For a front foot player he was tremendous against the quicks.

With his skipper getting 2000 test runs against the poms, and 11000 in all including a 39th century, Simon Katich will probably bag less of the lime-light, so here’s today’s poem, followed by today’s play, tweet by tweet:-

Katich

nothing special it seems
vin ordinaire, perhaps du pays
to the casual palate

hardly flash, no big front of the mouth
explosions, nor rich plummy overtones
of wild berry sensations,
not merlot, shiraz, scarcely Australian
but scarcer still in exacting quality

Katich travels well: Derbyshire, Hants
scores freely when required, remains
steady even when bottled up
ideal for the most testing conditions

un demi-verre: nose, one or two sips
to note how the original vine
has matured with practice and age,
glam-rock finings and blending not required

hard enough to put this genie
back in its bottle till empty
prime vintage which keeps
the entire innings through

Twittering of Tweets 

1. In row c, marked g, stewards agree is grazy Duckless Anderson shows spirit of Drake cutting speedster Johnson, Broad’s broad blade
2. Broad bowled off his pads Swann waddles to the crease adjusting his pads to join ugly ducking duckless duckling Anderson Gulls swoop over trees
3. 50 @ run a ball poms’ tails wag as all their ducks move into line towards 400 while crowd give Aussies the bird for being all too appealling
4. Horitz spins one a yards Haddin misses Swann licks his lips and spinning finger before dancing down wicket to drive a brace of fours
5. 2 green baggies go back to the fence, noble Swan reverse sweeps the next for four more. Stop taking the mick, Swanny, unkind to dumb animals
6. Jimmy caught in the deep off a sker Green Baggies mob the outfield trying to come up for air Scene is set Enter the mighty destroyer Panesar
7. Monty runs as though in treacle he’s also trying to juggle Though each shot’s fashioned with great style and flourish though scant effect
8. Cricket Book We’d Like To SEE. “I was Monty’s Battting Coach” closely followed by “I was Monty’s Fielding Coach”
9. Grassed gimme in slips, mist run-out, byes aplenty, Monty caught off a no-ball. Aussies’ worst display and time in field since Gallipolli?
10. More cricket books we’d like to SEE “How to control your body language & influence people” R T Ponting. Bell tolls Punter plays 435 Game on.
11. Half-an-half, just half-an-hour to face before lunch, then onwards. The openers’ prayer but do openers dare do more than survive onslaught?
12. Katisch and Hughes, defenders of Southern Cross, prepare their brief. The junior partner is one to watch not least perfect timing of rebuttals.
13. Super Centaur Freddie – 1/2 man 1/2 horse, ball all ire fire and brimstone – chin-musics junior Hughes lucky to miss and miss being hit
14. 1-87 drinks at Australia’s numerical nemesis. Alice spring to their defence, Punter plays like dream and drain into twenties set for a ton
15. 1-110 Swanny and Monty spin-twins on in tandem. Laker and Lock or Tuffers and Embers. Jury out till at least close of play?
16. Punter already two grand up against old country Aren’t you being greedy, Ricky, still wanting to fill twinkle-toed boots Desire feeds itself
17. 127 – 1 R(e) T(weet) Ponting bags 11000 in all tests. Thought it more, wish it less. Well done Tasman’s chosen son. Get out and have a drink
18. Tea 1-142 Strauss changes bowling by numbers on Welsh futures market England can’t seem to buy a wicket for love or money – invest in hope?
19. Nessum Dorma – loves sleeps, put it to bed, please. May, Graveney and Chappell, Ian into ICC Hall of Fame, why not poetry for each – Tom esp
20. Cbeebies All-Time XI Andy Pandy; NoggintheNog; Thorn-Noxson; Uncle Bulgaria; Haddock (capt); Ivor the Engine; Dr Who, Doogle; Thompson Twins
21. 1-203. Ponting adds 5 to 11000 off two from Swann deliciously delicate late late cut to make square 3rd man run. Best Oz bat since the Don?
22. 1-215 Katich & Skipper 85 all. If Albion can’t split this pair tonight, they may have to bat out of their skins to save hides. Run-out call….
23. ….Third Umpire says ‘No’<
24. Super Freddie Centaur returns for final blast.England may soon be flogging a dead horse. Glue factory not Ashes  if they don’t stick to task